F*ck Saturn!

It was recently brought to my attention by my favorite astrologer that the reason I have been in a slump lately is due to the fact that Saturn has been in my sign for the past few years.

I am pleased to report that as of today Saturn has completely passed through my celestial body and my future (astrologically speaking) looks bright. And I believe it. I have not felt this happy and just "up" in days.

Let me just give you a little bit of my day so far:

I awoke this morning in eager anticipation to hear a new Howard Stern Show after having to drag through re-runs for the past two weeks. (Howie and the gang were on vacation). If you're a listener and fan of the show, you will know that the first show after vacation is typically VERY funny. To say that I was shocked when I heard the voice of "Diamond David Lee Roth" in stead of my beloved shock-jock and his entertaining whack-pack is a huge understatement. For twenty-five minutes I lay in bed listening in disbelief as Dave droned on and on about being the newest King of All Media.

"This is going to be a long f*cking week!" I thought as I finally dragged myself fom bed. I figured if I showered that I would return and find that this was just some horrible joke.

Not the case.

David was still carrying on upon my return. Begrudgingly, I began to iron my clothes for they day (black shirt and black pants to signify my morning of mourning). I did not like the taste of our new Howard-less future.

As "Diamond" Dave was about to introduce the general manager of KRock, our lord and savior Howard P. Stern broke in to stop the madness and save both my morning and my week (as I'm sure that you are all unwilling to have me in a worse mood than I have been in for the past few weeks).

Currently I am finishing off my fourth cup of coffee and crossing sh*t off of my to-do list at a lighting speed. No task is too bg for me today.

So ... STAY AWAY SATURN!!!