who cares?

Tiffany Granath: Playboy Playmate, star of Playboy TV, and host of Playmate Radio's Afternoon Advice on Sirius.

See also: Damaging character witness in Ryan Seacrest's alleged homosexuality.

I have, since coming out in 2000, had the "I don't care" attitude when a someone asks me if I think so-and-so is batting for the Yankees. This attitude comes in addition to the belief that all men are gay until proven otherwise - it seems a healthier way to live by thinking that everyone is an option.

And I have often publicly defended many a man's heterosexuality while secretly hoping, wishing, and/or knowing that they prefer pickles to tacos. Although you will hear this many times from many gays, I truly have a perfect hetero/not-so-hetero prediction record.

In keeping with my belief that the soundest and loudest political move any single gay person can make is to come out, I have come to realize that coming out as straight in light of skepticism is a double edged sword: the individual is shunned a by the gay community and championed by the right wing. I have decided not to be guilty of discriminating against a person who is truly straight just because they are not fitting into the mold of my perception of what a hetero should be: This is the basis of my "I don't care" attitude.

It is also the reason that I have accepted Ryan Seacrest as a poster child for heterosexual males that like to play with make-up and chat on the phone with members of Desperate Housewives. Trust me, if a man doesn't want you to know he sucks dick, you are NOT going to know. I mean, if he was truly in the closet, he'd be trying hard as hell to hide those overly gay tendencies (OGT's). However, I can only follow this logic so far.

The incredible female specimen above was the roommate of the not-yet-famous Seacrest, Tiffany Granath. This morning she, as a guest on The Howard Stern Show, revealed the following facts:

1. In the time she knew him, Ryan never had a girlfriend. She reports that he was never seen with a man either, so this may have just been a very dry spell for the four-foot-three cutie.
2. On several occasions the two would share a bed, and that on these occasions she would wear only a pair of panties. She reported that their cuddling escalated past Ryan kissing on her fun bags. (Ryan was reported to have been aroused, but Tiff states that she never touched his manhood.)
3. Ryan never once made a full court press to get Tiffany in the sack despite her frequently romping around the apartment in nothing but panties.

In response to Howard stating "If you were running around my apartment naked, I'd have banged you right there, and I even have a girlfriend," Tiffany did state that she believes Seacrest to be a woman loving man

I must say that I agree with Howard.

But I must also throw out the possibility that Ryan likes both boys and girls. It's an option that is scoffed at by both heteros and homos across the land, but according to Bisexuals everywhere, preference of pickles and tacos are not mutually exclusive.

Whatever the case, I think it may be time for Mr. American Idol to make an announcement of his preference. And I urge all of the world to believe him!

But like I've already said, I ain't never been wrong about a homo.

on this day in 1979.

That's right. I'm posting a self-indulgent birthday blog entry.

And don't judge me for subscribing to the traditional "It's-my-fucking-birthday-so-bow-down-to-me" attitude... just wish me a happy birthday, buy me a shot, and tell me how young I look!

would you like an HIV test with that?

Article 27-F in the New York State Public Health Law is The AIDS Confidentiality Law. The Article currently outlines legislation regarding HIV testing including pre and post- test counseling, reporting to local and state public health officials, and latitude given officials to contact care providers and patients.

Current law provides that HIV testing is an opt-in form of medical care, meaning simply that the individual being tested has the right to refuse testing and that health care professionals need not offer a test as a requirement of law. Should an individual request an HIV test, the individual performing the test is required by Article 27-F to provide pre-test "counseling". This counseling is (at least):

[...]an explanation of the test, including its purpose, the meaning of its results, and the benefits of early diagnosis and medical intervention; an explanation of the procedures to be followed, including that the test is voluntary, that consent may be withdrawn at any time, and a statement advising the subject that anonymous testing is available; an explanation of the confidentiality protections afforded confidential HIV related information under this article, including the circumstances under which and classes of persons to whom disclosure of such information may be required, authorized or permitted under this article or in accordance with other provisions of law or regulation; [...]an explanation of the nature of AIDS and HIV related illness, information about discrimination problems that disclosure of the test result could cause and legal protections against such discrimination, and information about behavior known to pose risks for transmission and contraction of HIV infection; [...]an opportunity to remain anonymous and to provide written, informed consent through use of a coded system with no linking of individual identity to the test request or results. A health care provider who is not authorized by the commissioner to provide HIV related tests on an anonymous basis shall refer a person who requests an anonymous test to a test site which does provide anonymous testing.

In July of 2005, HIV testing underwent a streamlining which eliminated the need for pre-testing counseling to be administered verbally . Anyone that has received an HIV test since that time is aware that the pre-test portion consists of the tester handing you an information sheet and asking if you have any questions about the information therein. It is at this time the tester receives written informed consent to administer the HIV test. The entire document is two pages long. Most of the above items are to ensure that the identity and privacy of the individual being tested are protected at all passes, and to provide a feeling of security to those that would otherwise not receive a test due to personal and social stigmas attached to both HIV and the individuals that request/receive HIV testing.

We have, in recent years, seen an increase in the incidence of infection in African American and Latino communities, women, the elderly, and an overall disregard for safer sex practices guidelines set forth by countless community based groups. However, through testing initiatives and outreach, we are seeing a decrease in proportion of positives to negatives. Translated: those who are at greatest risk just aren't coming out to get tested. Is it possible that the opt-in approach to testing has run it's course? Could it be that compulsory HIV testing is the next step in helping to identify positives in communities that aren't responsive to the outreach and testing initiatives? Could the extra caution given to testing for HIV actually be feeding into the stigma?

Have we reached a point in the 25 year epidemic that HIV testing should be performed side-by-side with screens to rule out cancer, diabetes, gonorrhea, and sickle cell?

New York City Commissioner of Health and Mental Hygiene, Dr. Thomas Frieden thinks so.

Frieden has recently proposed amendments to Article 27-F eliminating the need for written informed consent and all pre-test counseling, and allowing public health officers to act as de-facto case managers while increasing penalties for violating HIV confidentiality or failing to secure verbal consent. The goals of Frieden's proposal are clear: increase likelihood of patients to have an HIV test and using that information to improve linkage to care.

If the medical community and society at large is ever to matriculate into a way of seeing HIV infection as a long-term, manageable, preventable, communicable illness, isn't testing the logical starting point?

Could it be possible that by opposing the use of Frieden's verbal consent screening amendment, it is those closest to the fight against HIV who are acting to the detriment of further dismantling HIV stigma ?

At the risk of alienating myself from a community that has twenty plus years experience on me, I must come out in support of the amendments' verbal only consent intentions. In the worst case scenario, we may find that the epidemic isn't as much the equal opportunistic virus that we had thought. In the best case scenario, we will reach communities that have been unresponsive to convention outreach methods (and resultantly develop more efficient outreach models, preventive tactics, and treatment approaches).

However, I do believe that it may be necessary to re-evaluate the need for public health officials to replace an already efficient case management system (COBRA). Let's take this one step at a time: first comes compulsory testing (with a significant increase in the awareness of health care professionals and willingness of institutions to adopt the added expense of on-site rapid testing), and then we can call big brother to tell us what to do with the outcomes.

words of a person in denial.

"It's not like lunch is a real date, right?"

things i would do if i were a little person.

1. Trick or treat.

2. Get into the movies at "child under 12" prices.

3. Ride the Dumbo ride at Disney World.

4. Accidentally "bump" into crotches.

5. Cartwheels. (think about it... a:midget doing cartwheels is funny and b: you could pretty much do a cartwheel anywhere you wanted being that even with your arms stretched out you don't stand much taller than four feet.)

tv or jesus.

Remember the days when MTV was a 24 hour music video channel?

How about the days that Comedy Central was a comedy channel? Hours upon hours of stand-up comics in seedy clubs, raw politically incorrect punchlines, and Sam Kinison. Most of the rainy summer days of my adolescence were spent in front of a TV tuned to Comedy Central. My favorite show consisted of a series of stand-up bits by various comedians ranting about a single topic. You know, things that are all part of the human experience: airports, taxi cabs, fast food joints, bosses etc.

Most prevalent was the gender segments: men ranting about women, women ranting about men, trannies ranting about midgets, etc. The winner of most commonly used joke here was easily "What is it about women going to the can in groups?" [Here is where you nod your head in agreement....]

Well, I have noticed that evangelicals are much like females in that sense. Except the Christians have one up-ed the ladies: the faithful do EVERYTHING together. I am revealing this observation on the occasion of the beginning of YOUTHWORKS! - the annual summer retreat that takes place in the Lutheran Zion Church which sits directly across the street from the house where my office is located.

It begins like this: I leave on a Friday...pulling away from a quiet street with ample parking. My return on Monday morning is a shock of 15 to 20 out of state cars lining the street and blocking the entrance to my driveway. This marks the first of an obscene number of times that I will be annoyed by the Lutheran's activities through out the summer.

As I edge slowly into the narrowed entrance of my drive, I hear it: the chant of 50 brainwashed youth solemnly vowing to live in the glory of Jesus[!]. Lest I tire of this chant, the camp counselors [mostly Youthworks graduates] have tons of other chants that basically say the same thing but are set to a differing cadence. And I will hear them all throughout the summer.

Every week during June, July, and August, a different church will cycle through the camp, bringing with it a refreshed energy a la the lord and savior. BLAH!

I can tolerate the faithful in small groups. I can even tolerate them in groups of 10 or less. Alas they never seem to travel in small groups, but in flocks! I can't help but think: if this were a Pride Center across the street trucking in encouragable youths for one week then the crowding of our street would not be tolerated. Nay would the morning wake-up call chants (which in my fantasy camp would consist of show tunes, Diana Ross disco hits, and we're here, we're queer...).

This morning it was taken to an entirely new level. The "campers", taking a page straight from God or the Girl, have erected a life size crucifix in the front yard. And it seems that each day a lucky youth will have the honor of carrying the idol to which ever location the do-gooders have elected to do good at for the day.

It's times like this that I'm glad I was never sent to camp.

I'm thankful that my elders allowed me to sit in front of Comedy Central and learn a lifetime's worth of cynicism from the likes of George Carlin.

it's easier sometimes....

to just let joe say it.

part of the family.

I attribute how I live my life "out of the closet" to a single moment in 2001 (I know, I'm such a baby). The following is a memoir of that event.

The set-up:

His name was Jeff. I'd met him on a gay chat site. It's sad really; While most gay men start their coming out stories by describing the anxiety they felt as they walked into a gay club for the first time, my first timer fear was that someone in the computer lab would happen to look over my shoulder and see the not-so-conspicuous domain name of a gay chat site. Truth be told, my first gay bar experience did not happen until almost two years after I came out.

I digress: he liked what I said and I liked what he said so I packed up my naivete to meet Jeff for an evening of "come over and we'll decide on something to do". Ah if I had known then...

The Date:

Unsuccessful at his attempts to get his roommate out of the apartment, Jeff met me at the front door and quickly shooed me into the hall. His plan B consisted of driving around while deciding on a place to get to know each other. Little did Jeff know that I was reluctant to be seen in public with a flamboyant gay man (even though Jeff assured me,as he checked his mascara in the rear view, that I would learn that he's masculine compared to the rest of the gays).

Eventually, Jeff's Corsica was low on gas and our evening drive lead us to a Mobil: bright lights, major highway, parking lot full of people. This was the height of anxiety for me. As I shrank low into the passenger seat, Jeff sashayed to the pumps and filled his tank. I could not take anymore.

When he bounced back into the driver's seat, I suggested to Jeff that we call it a night. He agreed.

The Kiss [off] Goodnight:

Yes, I was a self-hating closet case that dated women; I'd even consummated more that one relationship with a vagina. Although I had "experimented" with a few boys in high school, this was the first time I could remember having an unspoken green-light to touch another man, to kiss another man. A gay man.

So, Jeff came in for the kill. What followed was my first "real" gay kiss and my first delivery of my now patented "I'm-just-not-into-you speech". Although these days I can let a guy down without a bunch of thought or condescension, poor Jeff fell victim to my inexperience.

The Retaliation:

I can't recall exactly what I said, but I guarantee it included one or more of the following phrases: "too gay", "so feminine", "terribly flamboyant", "queen", and "fancy".

Now, let me take this opportunity to apologize to Jeff. But in my defense, you were, in my closeted and jaded experience of all things gay, every stereotype that I hoped never to become (as I felt, and still feel, that a handful of gays tend to get "gayer" as they go).

In a cunning display of the fierce wit that I have come to love about my fellow Homos, Jeff let me have it. Here, again, I cannot recall exactly what was said because I went into a self-defensive blackout. But I do recall one thing that he said. Verbatim.

"...In a year I'll see you shirtless, swinging from the pole on stage at Marcella's..."

(note: Marcella's = gay bar)

That was the moment. The moment I knew that I may never fit into the mold that Jeff had promised me. The moment I knew that I would never take my shirt off in ANY club. The moment I knew that gay and masculine aren't mutually exclusive. It was the moment in which I knew the gay life that looked so comfortable for so many gay men would never feel that way for me.

It is on the occasion of Buffalo Pride that I am reminded of Jeff and his wisdom. I have, for the past 5 years, supported the flamboyant parade and made a quiet appearance at the festival that follows. And for the past five years I have felt like an outsider. I am at a loss for words to explain my feelings. Friends (gay or otherwise) have told me that I just need to get used to it, while others have tried to convince me that I am actually homo-phobic. I must conclude that both camps are wrong.

Upon coming out, I made the commitment to myself that I would never compromise who I am by hiding my homo-ness. Never would I hide behind a hetero-facade. Never would I shy away from a blind date with a woman by saying I've a girlfriend. And never would I be the guy who substitutes my sexual identity for my personality.

Six years out, and even writing this gives me anxiety. I am committed to supporting equality for all people, but I cannot reconcile my feelings of not belonging to the community because I am most comfortable when I'm around close friends in a non-sexuality specific bar; not that I disagree with he idea of a homo-only bar, in fact I enjoy going once in a while. It's just not my everyday. It's not how this homo is wired.

I can't help thinking that there are other gay men that feel the same way I do.

I'd intended this post to be part apology and part confession, but in the end it sounds more like a statement of fact. I've just got to fill these shoes the best I know how and stop looking at the rest of the world as a litmus.

I don't hate gay men and I don't hate being gay. I belief that some gay men hate/like me for being aloof to their comfortable community; Some gay men hate/like me because I don't follow their code of gay-ity; while some gay men secretly pine for my gay-related aloofness.

I believe that being out and visible is the most courageous and effective political statement that any gay person can make.

And I know that I will never be the shirtless guy swinging on a pole in Marcella's. (However, I reserve the right to take home any cute guy that is.)