tv or jesus.
Remember the days when MTV was a 24 hour music video channel?
How about the days that Comedy Central was a comedy channel? Hours upon hours of stand-up comics in seedy clubs, raw politically incorrect punchlines, and Sam Kinison. Most of the rainy summer days of my adolescence were spent in front of a TV tuned to Comedy Central. My favorite show consisted of a series of stand-up bits by various comedians ranting about a single topic. You know, things that are all part of the human experience: airports, taxi cabs, fast food joints, bosses etc.
Most prevalent was the gender segments: men ranting about women, women ranting about men, trannies ranting about midgets, etc. The winner of most commonly used joke here was easily "What is it about women going to the can in groups?" [Here is where you nod your head in agreement....]
Well, I have noticed that evangelicals are much like females in that sense. Except the Christians have one up-ed the ladies: the faithful do EVERYTHING together. I am revealing this observation on the occasion of the beginning of YOUTHWORKS! - the annual summer retreat that takes place in the Lutheran Zion Church which sits directly across the street from the house where my office is located.
It begins like this: I leave on a Friday...pulling away from a quiet street with ample parking. My return on Monday morning is a shock of 15 to 20 out of state cars lining the street and blocking the entrance to my driveway. This marks the first of an obscene number of times that I will be annoyed by the Lutheran's activities through out the summer.
As I edge slowly into the narrowed entrance of my drive, I hear it: the chant of 50 brainwashed youth solemnly vowing to live in the glory of Jesus[!]. Lest I tire of this chant, the camp counselors [mostly Youthworks graduates] have tons of other chants that basically say the same thing but are set to a differing cadence. And I will hear them all throughout the summer.
Every week during June, July, and August, a different church will cycle through the camp, bringing with it a refreshed energy a la the lord and savior. BLAH!
I can tolerate the faithful in small groups. I can even tolerate them in groups of 10 or less. Alas they never seem to travel in small groups, but in flocks! I can't help but think: if this were a Pride Center across the street trucking in encouragable youths for one week then the crowding of our street would not be tolerated. Nay would the morning wake-up call chants (which in my fantasy camp would consist of show tunes, Diana Ross disco hits, and we're here, we're queer...).
This morning it was taken to an entirely new level. The "campers", taking a page straight from God or the Girl, have erected a life size crucifix in the front yard. And it seems that each day a lucky youth will have the honor of carrying the idol to which ever location the do-gooders have elected to do good at for the day.
It's times like this that I'm glad I was never sent to camp.
I'm thankful that my elders allowed me to sit in front of Comedy Central and learn a lifetime's worth of cynicism from the likes of George Carlin.
How about the days that Comedy Central was a comedy channel? Hours upon hours of stand-up comics in seedy clubs, raw politically incorrect punchlines, and Sam Kinison. Most of the rainy summer days of my adolescence were spent in front of a TV tuned to Comedy Central. My favorite show consisted of a series of stand-up bits by various comedians ranting about a single topic. You know, things that are all part of the human experience: airports, taxi cabs, fast food joints, bosses etc.
Most prevalent was the gender segments: men ranting about women, women ranting about men, trannies ranting about midgets, etc. The winner of most commonly used joke here was easily "What is it about women going to the can in groups?" [Here is where you nod your head in agreement....]
Well, I have noticed that evangelicals are much like females in that sense. Except the Christians have one up-ed the ladies: the faithful do EVERYTHING together. I am revealing this observation on the occasion of the beginning of YOUTHWORKS! - the annual summer retreat that takes place in the Lutheran Zion Church which sits directly across the street from the house where my office is located.
It begins like this: I leave on a Friday...pulling away from a quiet street with ample parking. My return on Monday morning is a shock of 15 to 20 out of state cars lining the street and blocking the entrance to my driveway. This marks the first of an obscene number of times that I will be annoyed by the Lutheran's activities through out the summer.
As I edge slowly into the narrowed entrance of my drive, I hear it: the chant of 50 brainwashed youth solemnly vowing to live in the glory of Jesus[!]. Lest I tire of this chant, the camp counselors [mostly Youthworks graduates] have tons of other chants that basically say the same thing but are set to a differing cadence. And I will hear them all throughout the summer.
Every week during June, July, and August, a different church will cycle through the camp, bringing with it a refreshed energy a la the lord and savior. BLAH!
I can tolerate the faithful in small groups. I can even tolerate them in groups of 10 or less. Alas they never seem to travel in small groups, but in flocks! I can't help but think: if this were a Pride Center across the street trucking in encouragable youths for one week then the crowding of our street would not be tolerated. Nay would the morning wake-up call chants (which in my fantasy camp would consist of show tunes, Diana Ross disco hits, and we're here, we're queer...).
This morning it was taken to an entirely new level. The "campers", taking a page straight from God or the Girl, have erected a life size crucifix in the front yard. And it seems that each day a lucky youth will have the honor of carrying the idol to which ever location the do-gooders have elected to do good at for the day.
It's times like this that I'm glad I was never sent to camp.
I'm thankful that my elders allowed me to sit in front of Comedy Central and learn a lifetime's worth of cynicism from the likes of George Carlin.
posted by brian. at 10:35 AM
