About to cross the line.
Since beginning this blog, i have been in a conundrum about how personal i should be. i think every writer, no matter how novice, no matter the forum struggles with how much to reveal about himself [potential] audience(s). For me, writing has always been cathartic. At the same time, putting my thoughts on paper have aided me in forming my [many] opinions into cohesive sentences that can later be used in arguements and debates with friends and foes.
My personal [bound] journal was a place to purge all ideas and feelings. Everything in that book is free game: from politics and religion, to complaining about my friends and venting about unsuccessful dating escapades. In this public format, I have [tried to] restrict my entries to no-name, limited opinion pieces with a link or two to fun stuff that I have found on my endless hours surfing and reading. (It's no secret that I am having a torid love affair with all things dot com, dot net, dot org, dot gov, etc.)
Unfortunately I have been unable to intellectualize a reason why i should not include everything. If I have learned anything as a product of the first Reality TV Generation, it is that honesty sells. A testament to this is that I find myself returning to blogs and pages that I feel are honest, sincere, and laced with anger, frustration, and compassion towards the same events and people that lace my beliefs with anger, frustration, and compassion.
A recent decision to break down the wall and stop trying to intelectualize acts that make me feel better, help me reach conclusions, and ultimately cause no one any harm i give you the following (ps ... if anybody is reading this, please tell me if i'm just being a big weenie and that you would rather i stuck to posting on my other blog [hey -- all promotion is shameless. don't judge me.]):
Two weeks to the day have passed since the flavor of the month and i have talked. In that time I have managed to occupy my time with things like weddings, barbeques, and porn. I have also managed in that time to email him no more that once -- an email that took him two days to respond to. This makes for an actual contact lapse of six days.
Now, i'm a realist. And by that i mean i have been burned and disappointed enough in my short dating life to stop expecting any man to be as available as i tell myself that i am. I attempt to go into new relationships with no illusions that we are going to run away and get married on date five. Hell, I have been known to do cartwheels if I even get to date TWO! (This is no joke -- i can give you the number of my best friend; ask her for yourself.)
But pardon me if I take it the wrong way when by date five I am fielding phonecalls from your mom while you're driving. I don't know why, but I was under the impression that me and your mom being on a first name basis means that "we" is a pretty solid deal. And excuse me if by date six you have fallen off of the face of the Earth causing me to confront you with the dramatic "where is this going?" conversation. I'll admit that if i intellectualize my motivations and all possible outcomes, I may have just been able to relax and wait for your call. (ahem ... see intellectualizing above.)
I can deal with not knowing something 100%. Actually, i find great pleasure in the fact that someone i begin dating has things that i may never know about them. It's actually this that makes me want to continue dating said man. But i refuse to feel like i am the one that is not making this possible. And i refuse to put myself in situations where i hate writing/returning emails because I don't want to think about "when/what is he going to reply?" And I refuse to keep settling for lines like (and this, my friends, is a direct quote):
Hmmm. Really? Are you really sorry?
i guess time will tell.
My personal [bound] journal was a place to purge all ideas and feelings. Everything in that book is free game: from politics and religion, to complaining about my friends and venting about unsuccessful dating escapades. In this public format, I have [tried to] restrict my entries to no-name, limited opinion pieces with a link or two to fun stuff that I have found on my endless hours surfing and reading. (It's no secret that I am having a torid love affair with all things dot com, dot net, dot org, dot gov, etc.)
Unfortunately I have been unable to intellectualize a reason why i should not include everything. If I have learned anything as a product of the first Reality TV Generation, it is that honesty sells. A testament to this is that I find myself returning to blogs and pages that I feel are honest, sincere, and laced with anger, frustration, and compassion towards the same events and people that lace my beliefs with anger, frustration, and compassion.
A recent decision to break down the wall and stop trying to intelectualize acts that make me feel better, help me reach conclusions, and ultimately cause no one any harm i give you the following (ps ... if anybody is reading this, please tell me if i'm just being a big weenie and that you would rather i stuck to posting on my other blog [hey -- all promotion is shameless. don't judge me.]):
Two weeks to the day have passed since the flavor of the month and i have talked. In that time I have managed to occupy my time with things like weddings, barbeques, and porn. I have also managed in that time to email him no more that once -- an email that took him two days to respond to. This makes for an actual contact lapse of six days.
Now, i'm a realist. And by that i mean i have been burned and disappointed enough in my short dating life to stop expecting any man to be as available as i tell myself that i am. I attempt to go into new relationships with no illusions that we are going to run away and get married on date five. Hell, I have been known to do cartwheels if I even get to date TWO! (This is no joke -- i can give you the number of my best friend; ask her for yourself.)
But pardon me if I take it the wrong way when by date five I am fielding phonecalls from your mom while you're driving. I don't know why, but I was under the impression that me and your mom being on a first name basis means that "we" is a pretty solid deal. And excuse me if by date six you have fallen off of the face of the Earth causing me to confront you with the dramatic "where is this going?" conversation. I'll admit that if i intellectualize my motivations and all possible outcomes, I may have just been able to relax and wait for your call. (ahem ... see intellectualizing above.)
I can deal with not knowing something 100%. Actually, i find great pleasure in the fact that someone i begin dating has things that i may never know about them. It's actually this that makes me want to continue dating said man. But i refuse to feel like i am the one that is not making this possible. And i refuse to put myself in situations where i hate writing/returning emails because I don't want to think about "when/what is he going to reply?" And I refuse to keep settling for lines like (and this, my friends, is a direct quote):
Hope you are having a great week! I am sorry for our last conversation - I know it ended a little weird! Hope to talk soon!
Hmmm. Really? Are you really sorry?
i guess time will tell.
posted by brian. at 10:23 AM
