"Sex and the City" or "Swandive"?

Once in a while i wonder whether "sex and the city" is like my life or if having watched every episode thrice i have created a self fullfilling prophecy of complicated relationships. If so,

WARNING:i'm having a VERY Carrie Bradshaw moment.

How well should one know the dating history of a new flame?

I subscribe to the mindset that as long as the ex doesn't have a name or face then i can maintain a healthy, objective, uncomplicated, and un-jealous outlook on the potential situation.

What if the dating "history" isn't history at all?

What if the ex still lives with him/her? How honest is this guy being if he says that there is nothing there? Is he lying to us both? Is he lying to himself? How is this going to impede moving along in a direction that is healthy for me?

Whether i was looking for these answers or just looking to see if i should have reason to probe further, i Googled the son-of-a-bitch. (I warned that i am having a Carrie moment.) I found exactly what i was at the same time hoping to find and avoid: pictures of him and the ex at various fundraising events. Crazy? I think i'd rather err on the side on lunatic than risk giving this muscle in my chest to any mother fucker that comes along spewing poetry and plesantries.

However this is happening in the exact opposite order than i would've expected: I usually Google pre-date. This guy gave me no reason to need to. He is honest, up front, and sensitive. And honestly, i am more suspicious now than i have even been in any situation. I can see why he would wait until the third date to drop the i-still-live-with-my-[21 y/o]-ex bombshell. HOWEVER, the shit that goes along with that (i.e.: having a new beau over to the house -- read: "us making out on the couch") is all his. i don't want that (read: "ex boyfrind") to be a part of whatever it is that he and I are building. Is that selfish? Sheltered? Overly optamistic? i honestly don't give a fuck. I am tired of expecting too much, and then settling for something under par.

Now ... do i tell him all of this? I've had four days to think about this situation. I'd like to avoid it. Do I tell him that i'm not sure i can be totally into someone who is still battling demons from his [recent ... still sharing a flat with me] past. On top of this, there is still reason to believe that they share a room!! UN-FUCKING-BELEIVABLE! I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS! Why do i always put myself in this situation. Do i have a poster on my back that reads:

BOYS!!! If you're on the rebound from a extremely damaging relationship: talk to me. Buy me dinner. Tell me that you want to spend your life with me. Don't worry about me, I'm superhuman and realize that I serve the short-term function of stepping stone to the rest of your life. I will never require you to put even a fraction of the energy into our relationship as i am putting in. For extra fun, avoid being completely honest with yourself about your mental/emotional state: this serves as a buffer that prevents you from getting hurt, and ensures that i will follow like a studid puppy dog until you take a quick left turn and i continue walking straight off of the cliff.

Oh ... and feel free to check out of this agreement at any time. No questions asked. There are other broken and hurt men that need my services.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ... someone take this off of my back. Give me something useful:

Warning: THIS IS ONE HARD ASS BITCH. DO NOT FUCK WITH MY HEART!

Ani--saving the over-emotional minority (read: women, momma's boys, and [most]gay men)with her potable idea on this kind of relationship:

i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in

'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown

and i teeter between tired
and really, really tired
im wiped and im wired but i guess its just as well
because i built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
and i'm queen of my own compost heap
and i'm getting used to the smell

and i've got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i'm climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i'm going to do my best swan dive
into shark-infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

i'm cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand
the ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is something i understand
i just need a couple vaccinations for my far-away vacation
i'm going to go ahead and go boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy, that falling is fun
up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering and stunned