Blog is the new BF
Starting new projects has never been something that I am bad at: painting the dining room, felating marines, training for marathons, this blog.
Finishing projects ... that's an entirely different animal: just two days ago I began/finished unpacking the apartment that I moved into on September 1st, I haven't taken the edging tape off of the "freshly" painted dining room, I haven't run in months, and I can't remember the last time I felated anyone. Neglecting these projects does not bring me any guilt. Maybe a shred of embarassment, but definately not guilt.
But this blog ... this blog is a constant source of abandonment related guilt.
I must add the disclaimer that I thouroughly enjoy writing. I enjoy the opportunity to have my words read. And I LOVE having an outlet for frustrations with unbiased and uncalculating advice from people throughout the country.
Now ... when my life isn't getting in between me and the computer, the first thing I do is go to my blog dashboard and pretend that I am inspired to write about thoughts that I have in my head; To shed all of the skins that I have been hiding under in my normal 9 to 5.
What naturally happens is me sitting in front of the screen with my right hand on the mouse, navigating through the blog world. So, instead of completing the task of nourishing my relationship with my blog, I act like the true product of reality televison: I read others' blogs and quielty judge/relate to their experiences; The result is a huge cloud of guilt that I can't be like them: I can't be faithful to my blog.
I'm plagued with guilt.
I avoid even going to the dashboard after a few days for fear that I will not have anything to say. It's better not to force it right? It's better to let him call you than for you to just call him [out of obligation]. Hmmm.... and then something as useless as this post comes out of my fingertips and I'm forced to evaluate if the relationship is worth all of the work that I was once willing to put into it.
...maybe we should just take it slow.
I'll call you next weekend.
Finishing projects ... that's an entirely different animal: just two days ago I began/finished unpacking the apartment that I moved into on September 1st, I haven't taken the edging tape off of the "freshly" painted dining room, I haven't run in months, and I can't remember the last time I felated anyone. Neglecting these projects does not bring me any guilt. Maybe a shred of embarassment, but definately not guilt.
But this blog ... this blog is a constant source of abandonment related guilt.
I must add the disclaimer that I thouroughly enjoy writing. I enjoy the opportunity to have my words read. And I LOVE having an outlet for frustrations with unbiased and uncalculating advice from people throughout the country.
Now ... when my life isn't getting in between me and the computer, the first thing I do is go to my blog dashboard and pretend that I am inspired to write about thoughts that I have in my head; To shed all of the skins that I have been hiding under in my normal 9 to 5.
What naturally happens is me sitting in front of the screen with my right hand on the mouse, navigating through the blog world. So, instead of completing the task of nourishing my relationship with my blog, I act like the true product of reality televison: I read others' blogs and quielty judge/relate to their experiences; The result is a huge cloud of guilt that I can't be like them: I can't be faithful to my blog.
I'm plagued with guilt.
I avoid even going to the dashboard after a few days for fear that I will not have anything to say. It's better not to force it right? It's better to let him call you than for you to just call him [out of obligation]. Hmmm.... and then something as useless as this post comes out of my fingertips and I'm forced to evaluate if the relationship is worth all of the work that I was once willing to put into it.
...maybe we should just take it slow.
I'll call you next weekend.
posted by brian. at 11:46 AM
