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So, the dude from about a month back that was having severe mixed signal issues has struck again.

Being that we are collegues, we're destined to see each other at least once a month for as long as we are at our respective jobs. Yesterday was one of those days. And like any normal human being I was looking forward to how both he and I would react given that the first time we were to see each other [since he decided to stop calling me] would be in a room with fifteen other collegues.

A few things: man-o-man did he look good! And god dam it!!! I HATE when they look good! In a perfect world, they would age ten years, gain thirty - not wait -- forty pounds, and have given up on routine bathing. Instantly I know that this isn't going to play out like any of the senarios that I had created in my head.

Boy was I WAY off.

He, dressed to the nines in a business suit, gallops across the room to where I was seated and proceeds to reach out shake my hand and proclaim [loud enough for the entire room to notice]: "HI, Brian. It's good to see you." I, and everyone in the room, was speechless. There may be a god and she may like me, becauase a fellow board member jumped in to save me from whatever I may have said. (Which would probably fall somewhere in the eat-shit-and-die genre.)

Not only did he look like a complete idiot, he tried to make matters worse by continuing down the table and shaking the hand of everyone -- like he was running for public fucking office! Although, driving home from that meeting I was able to find the humor, in that momennt I was FUMING. I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is?

Anyway.

So today, like the fool that I am, I sent him an e-thank-you-card: something along the lines of: "thanks for making an ass out of yourself yesterday. it put my crappy day into perspective." To which he replies:

"I was going to kiss you but was not sure if you would kiss me back! I am happy to have have brightened your day at the expense of looking like an idiot! Please know that I am also available for hire to perform at birthdays, weddings and re-unions!

Seriously - it was good to see you yesterday Brian. I really missed you! I had forgotten how cute you are. I hope you are having a good week. Maybe we can do something sometime soon?? Was not sure if you were mad or not."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Can you say narcacist?

I guess you can file this one under clueless-asshole-that-would-not-know-sacrasm-if-it-punched-him-in-the-face-and-raped-his-mother.